Tuesday, May 15, 2012 //i'm the rockstar 12:57 AM
you cant play on broken strings
the nightmares that i've been waking up to. i just can't seem to get over the past mistakes that you've made, i'm so scared to uncover more and more of them.
its like and obsession, an addiction to look into the things that would make my head screech to a sharp pitch that would pierce through my heart. i know its going to be painful and i know it would be unbearble, but i just cant stop thinking about it or stop myself from clicking into links thats going to trample over my pride and ego.
i dont wanna think i've devalued myself by taking all these in just to be with you, but i have to admit that it is kind of humiliating to be forced to live in denial for so long after and having to watch the drama go on and even manipulated to help it proceed instead of stopping it.
its pretty much like knowing that you're digging your own grave but you continue to digging believing that its for a good cause like the cure for cancer is buried deep in it.
you'll never know or understand the terror of someday waking up and realise that it might not be over and all these is just a show its not true at all and it was all made believe.
because i'm true, and i cant take it anymore
these cracks cant be filled up with surface fixes, it runs so deep down it needs time to trust again.
i gave out trust for free and chances one after another, i cant afford to sponsor them anymore
you need to earn them alittle at a time.
show me that you've changed your ways and show me that they are not lies
its not a temporary notion to gain my trust to throw it away again
because a tiny tremor would be able to collapse a whole building now.
theres so many fault lines waiting to crack under the happiness that our mind portrays.
