Wednesday, August 3, 2011 //i'm the rockstar 9:33 PM
hi, i'm back
i'm blogging again
and its not really that good a thing.
this just means that i cant take bottling things up anymore.
maybe another chapter of my life ended and i just didn't realize that it once started.
lets back it all up and start from the top.
(this is definitely going to be wordy)
trusting and believing people again and again.
allowing people in and out of my heart.
i started growing stronger and healing faster as each door slams harder and harder on me.
after dragging on for 3 months hanging on by the exchange of nothing but ice cold words. things officially fell apart
i felt the pain, he did too, but luckily enough, i had someone watching over me.
a person that i would never consider letting in
but he showed me how much a person could do to show affection
no one ever did treated me this well.
i was touched very touched, so i tried,
i tried so hard to fall in love i gave most of the things that could
i try to hang out with him often treating him like how any normal couple would
but still i just couldn't say more than 'i care'.
even though in-between i met someone who had my attention but i willingly gave up cause i cant forgo all the things that hes done.
i tried making sacrifices and made sacrifices but it just wasn't enough for him
and after all that I've tried all i could say was 'i care'.
every single time that i wanted to really push myself to try harder he would try his best to give up. contradicting, but i would persuade him not to as i really dint want his efforts to go to waste however things just kept repeating itself.
when i wanted to put in effort fate just never fails to stop me
i know that hes spent alot on me, petrol, food, whatever and whatnot.
while i dont know why i'm still so broke.
well on his birthday, i wanted to get him alil something but i couldn't figure what to get him so i searched high and low for something but a rich kid like him, theres nothing he needs that i can think of. such a failure but oh wells. thus i tried baking a cake. which turned out blacker than the road.
well and so i tried to work more the month as to give him a belated present but yet again, he chose to give up, once again. i'm tired and drained and i know i cant keep trying to love i cant keep persuading him to stay when all i could offer wasn't what he wanted so i agreed.
at that point of time, i felt so relieved, i was able follow my feelings again.
not gonna be afraid anymore.
maybe my effort towards this wasnt seen at all and maybe you couldnt even feel it. but well i could answer well to myself, and i dont feel any guilt towards you. i thank you so much for all the things you've done for me, seriously no one has ever been this nice. this is why i'm so sorry i couldn't make it happen.maybe i recover fast or its just that it wasnt all love in the first place
i still trust people easily no matter how many times i was betrayed by another.
well i think i'm ready to meet someone who i would be able to say more than 'i care'.
and this time, i think i did.
